The Sharpenator
by ShadowMajin
Summary: Oneshot. With Videl frustrated by the mystery of Saiyaman, the one and only Sharpner takes it upon himself to unmask the hero. May Kami have mercy on his soul.


Hey everyone, I'd like to personally present my first oneshot. Done a bit of experimenting with this thing and it's finally time to let ya'll feast your teeth into it.

On a side note, I'd like to thank Ms. Videl Son for helping me come up with this. Had a funny conversation about it and just couldn't resist writing it, so if any of ya'll enjoy this, go thank her.

And another side note, some more thanks to dbz-lover91. The rubber duckie has not been forgotten.

* * *

It was a sunny day, birds chirping their happy tunes as the denizens of the city did their daily routines, and one man was responsible for it all.

Standing proudly as he watched the hustle and bustle, the man with his blond hair couldn't help but smile as he kept the world revolving for we all know the world revolved around him.

But this wasn't any ordinary man, nor was he a stereotypical one either.

He was Sharpner…or the Great Sharpner of Orange Star High depending on who you asked.

And he wouldn't have it any other way.

Taking in a deep breath of the polluted city air, our blond hero turned on his heels and continued on his journey from his humble abode to the place that was hated amongst his people.

Yes, our dear Sharpner was going to OSH, sacrificing himself so we don't have to.

It almost made you want to name your first born after him.

* * *

"Stopped another one Videl?" a cute blond girl said as a hotter black haired girl sat next to her.

Watching with eyes of greatness, Sharpner couldn't help but obsesses…err, look at the beauty. He wasn't sure when he had started noticing her, but he was pretty sure it was when he had his first wet dream. Though he wouldn't have called her cute back then, it was a very satisfying experience.

Now if only that would happen in real life.

"Pfff, what do you think Erasa? Saiyageek beat me to it again," Videl answered, none too pleased. "I swear that guy is really asking for a good ass kicking."

"Oh, come on Vi, I bet it's not half as bad as you make it out to be. He's helping you isn't he?" Erasa said, looking at Videl with her blue eyes.

'Hmmm, she's not that bad either. Have to make a mental note to keep a look out on her,' our blond boy thought as he took in his blond friend. The more chicks he kept tabs on, the better. It'd be a crime if his mightiness just kept himself to one girl.

"Erasa, I've been protecting this town since forever. I don't need, nor want his help. He can go watch over some other city, not mine," the Satan girl retorted.

Shaking her head, Erasa would've continued her argument but her attention was captured by a new comer. "Oh, hey Gohan!"

Reluctantly, Sharpner turned his attention to the only other guy that could even approach Videl without her breaking him in two. How the boy had done that was beyond him but as long as he kept his mitts off the girl, he was okay. He'd been trying to go out with the girl one too many times and each time was rejected, usually with some kind of physical force. If he remembered correctly, last time had been his head meeting a brick wall.

And the time before that was having a trashcan slammed on top of him.

And before that was watching a light pole being torn from the ground and swung like a baseball bat. Incidentally, he had happened to be the ball.

Then there was the time when he was nearly electrocuted when she told him to stick a metal object in an electrical socket. That one he shouldn't have followed but what ever it took to win the girl over, it was well worth the trouble.

And that was why he prided himself on being a hopeless romantic.

To the other students though, he just had the hopeless part down.

"Hey Erasa," Gohan greeted as he sat down. "Traffic was a killer today."

"And since when do you have a car," Videl questioned almost immediately.

"Uhhh, I meant all the people on the street and in the halls," the country boy said, sweating just a bit.

"Oh," was all the girl answered. For the longest time, Videl had some weird suspicion over that boy so no matter what he said, she had to make him explain himself down to the letter.

However, Sharpner always knew when there was an opening in a girl's defenses, and from the way Videl had shown interest in the country boy's imaginary car, that was an entry point.

"Well, since the country bumpkin doesn't have a car, why don't you check mine out babe?" our blond boy said, putting on his irresistible charm.

"Thanks, but no thanks Sharpner," Videl said dryly.

Huh? What was that? First she showed interest in the bumpkin but then refused to even think about him, the one and only Sharpner?

That just couldn't be so.

"But you wanted to see the bumpkin's car, why not mine?" Sharpner protested.

"Because I don't care about your car."

Ooooh, cold.

Just the way he liked her.

But unfortunately, the teacher had walked into the room and had decided to begin his daily regiment of boring everyone to death. The only one who seemed immune to it was that Gohan kid though.

There must've been some secret antidote the brain boy had, Sharpner just knew it. Now if only he would share.

* * *

Finally, the teach was done with his torture for the day, leaving the room to send in the next one. It was at this time that Sharpner and his fellow classmates recovered their wit in order to take on the next round.

Man it was hard being a student.

"Okay Vi, I want to get back to where we left off," Erasa said as she started their conversation again. "What would it take for you to accept Saiyaman?"

Growling, Videl let her frustrations known for the thirtieth time that month. "Nothing will change the way I see that idiot, alright?"

Shaking her head in exasperation, the blond girl asked "So what is it that bothers you about him anyways? I've never seen you act this way about someone before…well, except for Sharpner."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?" the boy in question griped.

Ignoring the man that was her future husband, or so Sharpner believed himself to be, Videl answered "It's because of that stupid helmet. I don't know who he is or what his real intentions are. He could be some deranged lunatic that plans to get on everyone's good side and then blow up the city for all I know."

"Couldn't he be protecting his identity from all the bad guys?" the nerd in the corner piped up, almost surprising the other three. Since when did he think he could talk to likes of Sharpner and his posse?

"Gohan's got a point Videl," Erasa agreed. Apparently the blond girl had given the boy next to her some okay signal to talk. Sharpner could forgive that boy's comment for now…and only for now.

"So? Every crook in the city knows who I am and I don't need any protection," Videl argued. Beauty and brains, that was the Satan girl in a nutshell; though Sharpner didn't care much for the latter.

"That's cause everyone knows you because of your father. It wouldn't matter much if you went in disguise or not; plus your dad could take on anyone in the world, so you don't have to worry about someone attacking your family or anything," Gohan pointed out. Unfortunately, that whole explanation just served to hurt our blond boy's head. That's what he got for trying to understand nerd lingo.

"And what's your reason for defending him?" the Satan girl shot back. "Is there something you're not telling us Gohan?"

Shaking his hands in defense, the Son boy replied "No, I'm just saying he could have a reason for hiding his identity."

"Is that so?"

At this point, Sharpner felt he needed to enter the discussion, not to defend anyone or prove someone guilty, but to spring an offer that would make a couple of people happy. "So you want to find out who this guy is, right?"

Turning her attention to the greatest thing to ever walk the halls of OSH, the Satan babe replied "Yeah, that's exactly what I want."

"So lets say that I find out who this guy is, would you go out with me?"

Rolling her eyes, due to ecstasy, Sharpner was sure of, Videl answered "In the off chance that you somehow unmask this guy, sure I'll give you a date, but that's it, got it?"

Smirking in a way that made his devilish good looks shine, Sharpner replied " I got ya." Unbeknownst to the dark haired beauty, one date with the guy of every girl's dreams was always followed by a second date, and then a third, and then a fourth, and then a fifth, and then a sixth, and then a…

* * *

Dark clouds covered the sky as a mysterious wind blew through a suburb on the outskirts of Satan City. Thunder and lighting were going off in the background and all for a powerful force that was awakening.

"Okay kitty, time for chowtime!"

With his cat taken care of for dinner, Sharpner turned around and walked to the door that led into his garage. Opening it, all kinds of storage junk with packing boxes stacked on each other laid in wait there.

With an evil gleam in his eye, Sharpner reached into his long hair and pulled out his ultimate tool.

Duct tape.

An evil laugh rang out through the night, alerting all that an evil presence was forming.

"Hey! Keep it down! People have to go to work in the morning!"

"Sorry."

* * *

Walking down the street as inconspicuous as possible, Sharpner couldn't help but feel giddy. Today would be the day he would unmask the idiotic superhero and get that long awaited date with the girl of his dreams.

Dressed in a trench coat and hat, something that would scream suspicious to any normal person, our young blond had felt a little uneasy when he first began his trek through the city. So to comfort his nerves he brought his most prized possession.

His rubber duckie.

Making the little duck squeak, Sharpner felt a bit of calm go through him. He always found it relaxing to do that.

However, it was time to get down to business. Looking at his watch to see the time reaching noon, the blond felt it was time to unleash his ungodly might upon the poor citizens of Satan City.

Wiping off his coat, the boy unleashed a loud cry. "Attention people of Satan City! You are all in grave danger as the Almighty Sharpenator is here!"

Standing in the costume he had made last night, power and pride rushed throughout the boy. The costume in question was pretty much a bunch of cardboard boxes duct tape together; crayon colors coloring the drab boxes. With the eye and mouth holes giving our beloved boy a view to the world, the last thing he had expected happened.

Nobody was giving him the time of day.

Staring in disbelief, the Sharpenator just didn't seem to understand. He had just threatened them all, hadn't he? Weren't they supposed to go hysterical or something? I mean, a super villain had just announced his presence and all.

Hmmm, it looked like he was just gonna have to try a little harder.

Looking around, the Sharpenator spotted a fairly attractive woman standing next to a baby carriage. Using his high-tech Sharpenator vision, a little stick was sticking up from the carriage, showing that there was something in it.

Marching over to the woman, the villain looked down into the carriage and saw what he had suspected: a little baby was holding onto a sucker. With that in mind, the evil Sharpenator did what any great villain would do.

He took the sucker away.

At that moment, the mother of the child turned and saw as the evil person stole the sucker. "Oh my Kami!" she screamed. "This evil man took my baby's candy!"

It was at that moment that chaos was unleashed. All of the town's folk went into a frenzy, some running away as others ran into traffic and were promptly hit by the oncoming hover cars. Other people dove to the ground as they covered their heads, hoping to Kami they would come out of this ordeal in one piece.

There, that was more like it.

And even more luck came to our villain when an upstanding citizen gathered his cajoles and decided to challenge him. "Okay guy, this is as far as you go. I won't allow your reign of terror to continue any further!" he shouted overdramatically.

In response, the Evil Sharpenator raised his right hand and from the center of his palm, fired a projectile at the man.

The sound of gunfire could be heard for several blocks down.

* * *

Videl was having the time of her life.

Sharpner was nowhere in the building.

Already in a happy mood, the Satan girl just couldn't help but grin as she did her class work. No mindless advances; no bothersome claims of ownership; no irritating body grabs; no weird stalkerish behavior. Yep, it was all going good.

If everyday could've been like this, the Satan girl would've died and gone to heaven. So for the time being, she was just gonna have to enjoy this break from the annoyance.

* * *

Falling to the ground, the second victim of the Super Powerful Sharpenator's wrath had been beaten. Laying on the ground with a newly formed stench coming from his rear, a toy dart stuck up from the man's head, it's suction cup sticking between the man's eyes.

And that was only the beginning.

Just then, Lady Luck decided to bless the horrible villain with even more luck.

With sirens blaring, making everyone deaf as they passed by, the Satan City police had arrived on the scene.

Smirking beneath his cardboard helmet, the Mighty Sharpenator raised his left hand and fired a bright yellow ball from his hand.

Instantly, the ball hit the windshield of the front car, causing the car to slide to a stop, the other cars following its example. Policemen dived behind the cars, using them as cover incase any more firepower was unleashed, just like the little yellow Nerf ball that was rolling around on the ground.

Pulling out a megaphone, the head officer shouted, "You there, the man in the costume; I order you to surrender yourself in the name of the law!"

The Amazing Sharpenator laughed loudly. "You think you puny mortals can stop I, the All-Powerful Sharpenator? You would be better off trying to stop that squirrel from stealing that acorn!"

Immediately, some cops turned around and there indeed was a squirrel with an acorn. They couldn't allow that little rodent to take it due to it being city property. "Somebody arrest that squirrel!"

Sharpner couldn't help but sweatdrop from that. Who were these guys? They couldn't be Satan City's finest…or…were they?

Well, who ever they were, the Great Sharpenator was not going to stand pat and let them divert their attention elsewhere. Setting the dart gun in his right arm to automatic, he began firing on the idiotic policemen, letting them know who was in charge.

And this simple act caused the head officer to call in for back up.

* * *

Flying over Satan City, Videl was getting pumped.

Just minutes before, as she was enjoying her Sharpnerless class, her watched had gone off to alert her to the next big crime. From the report she got, some mad man in a costume was terrorizing downtown, causing all kinds of damage.

At least this time she wasn't getting called in to stop a squirrel from eating a pecan.

Looking out her airjet window, the Satan girl saw the standoff as the police huddled behind their cars and a strange looking man faced them. Time to kick some ass.

Landing her airjet, the pigtailed girl leapt out of it, running until she had a better look at the situation. It was then that she had to stop out of pure shock.

Before her, a man dressed in colored cardboard and duct tape stood, laughing maniacally.

This was what she was called in for?

Quickly overcoming her shock, Videl shouted out "Hey, the idiot in the cardboard! What the hell are you doing?!"

The man stopped his laughter and turned to the girl, something akin to a grimace behind the cardboard helmet. "I am not an idiot!" he shouted. "I am the Super Incredibly Powerful and Good Looking Sharpenator!"

This time Videl just couldn't help herself. Too overcome by that boast, the city's defender went into a state of overwhelming astonishment, one that kept the girl rooted to the ground as she stared.

* * *

Mistaking the look on Videl's face as fear, the Incredible Sharpenator roared in laughter. Without even lifting a finger, the second strongest person in the world was defeated.

However, a growing shadow appeared on the ground, capturing the villain's attention. Landing, the owner of the shadow immediately burst into poses, calling out "Villain! You're reign of terror shall end! With the fist of justice, I shall smite you for I am the Great Saiyaman!"

Narrowing his eyes, the Villainous Sharpenator glared at the hero, his sworn enemy as of three seconds ago.

"So you're this Saiyaman fellow I've been hearing about," the villain called out.

"That I am," Saiyaman answered. "And who might you be?"

"I?" our criminal said. "I am your arch enemy, the super villain known as the Anti-Great Sharpenator!"

The hero tilted his head in confusion. "Uhh, you mean you're not great? The how are you a super villain?"

Sharpner frowned. What was that guy talking about? He was great! He'd show him a thing or two.

Raising his left arm, the Completely Great Sharpenator fired another Nerf ball. Due to his arch nemesis being lost in thought, he never saw the ball fly at him and nail him in the crown jewels.

For a split second, nothing happened. After that second, Saiyaman felt to the ground, clutching his damaged goods as he rolled around in pain, unable to cry out from the devastating damage, passing out a little while later.

Not even bothering to contain himself, the All Too Powerful Sharpenator unleashed his laughter. Within minutes, he had defeated both of the city's greatest protectors. Maybe he would make it a whole set by taking on the Great Hercule himself!

However, his laughter awoke a certain someone and she was not in the mood to play games anymore.

* * *

Coming out of her dazed state, Videl looked around to find that annoying Sharpening guy along with a fallen Saiyaman who was clutching at a certain part of his anatomy.

Piecing together that that weirdo in the cardboard had taken down the weirdo in the trashcan helmet, the Satan girl was less than pleased. Only she had the right to take on and defeat that Saiyadork. Nobody and she meant nobody could take that away from her.

So she was just gonna have to beat the crap out of the guy who did beat him.

Running towards the oversized box guy, Videl leapt into the air and stuck her foot out, landing the blow to Cardboardman's head, causing him to fall down. Then something so comically happened.

The idiot couldn't get back up.

"Hey! Somebody help me up!" the guy cried out has he tried to get him self off the ground.

Cracking her knuckles, Videl walked over to the fallen doofus and proceeded to beat the living hell out him, mainly stomping on him until the guy didn't make anymore shouts and cries of pain.

During the whole stompfest, most of the cardboard had been torn and ripped apart, revealing a human body in its mess. Walking over to the guy's head, Videl removed the helmet and sweatdropped.

There laid the boy that she had been enjoying his absents not even an hour ago, if not half an hour. Well, now she knew why he wasn't there.

And if she could do anything, she'd make sure his absence was a bit more long termed.

"Hey chief," the pigtailed girl called out. "He's all yours. Take him away."

Nodding graciously, the head officer sent a couple of his men to take the broken boy away. "Thanks a lot Videl. I'm not sure we could've stopped him if you hadn't shown up."

For the second time that day, Videl sweatdropped. That speech was the same one she had been getting over and over since she had joined the force. Did this guy have it memorized or something?

"So what are we gonna do with him," the officer said as he thumbed back at the fallen Saiyaman.

Looking at the fallen hero, Videl smirked. "Don't worry sir, I'll take care of him. Just clear everyone out of the area."

"Will do," was the response.

Shortly after that, the whole block was cleared, leaving only the Satan girl and the guy she had been trying to unmask since the Stone Age. Walking nonchalantly, the Satan girl soon found herself standing right next to that annoying bucket of a helmet and she had every reason to remove it.

Which she did.

A huge smile overcame the daughter of Satan as she saw the idiot hero's identity. Quickly, she put the helmet back on and then left the scene. She'd nail the guy later; she just had to savor the feeling of finally getting what she wanted.

And the best part was, no date with Sharpner.

What a great day this was becoming.


End file.
